Sometimes...

The only thing that keeps my chin above the cesspool line are the concepts of hope I cling to:

This too shall pass

There but for the grace of God go I

There is no lack - only the appearance of lack, notice the abundance

Appreciation


This too shall pass

This too shall pass comes from years of experience with running into situations where I have know idea how I am going to make it... usually through the month... sometimes through the week and at others (thankfully less frequently still) through the day.

In the passing of those times I realize that while I experienced a range of discomfort from pain, to loss, to shame, to panic, to being frozen in darkness with no idea of the way out. And yet... I always survive... I live through it and later look back to the moment as the valley before the next hill... all a part of the process.

There but for the grace of God go I

When in the darkness I see others whose loss is greater and whose pain is deeper and whose circumstances are more dire - and yet they find the will to persevere... that sometimes helps to instill in me a sense of perspective. Although - there are times when this one can start me back down on a spiral into hopelessness about life having too much pain and struggle to be worth much...
That is when I call in the bigger guns of my soul...

There is no lack - only the appearance of lack, notice the abundance

This one holds the premise that what we perceive is our reality and our emotions are how we feel about it. Wether we perceive the glass as half full or half empty is emotions - reality says that there is a half there and half not there. Our emotions do not control the quantity. Nor do they impact the quality of what the glass contains. But if we focus only on the loss and only on the pain we can fill ourselves with it.

Appreciation

Which brings me to the thread of appreciation. One of the truths in life for me is "appreciate it or it goes away" This does not really have to do with the losses that get me in the swamp in the first place - the ones like the loss of a friend or loved one or the loss of a job or a client - but the part that is still there while all of that is happening. My health... if I have my health I need to appreciate that and nurture that. If there are people who are supporting me through my darkness I need to appreciate them and nurture them.

This thinking seems to bring all the other thoughts to a blending... and while the process kneads my soul into a sore and sensitive place I start to feel the next rise of hope. A place where the tears are bittersweet and the emotions and ability to feel so deeply are embraced as now... not bad not good - no judgment... I am.

I am this pain.
I am this joy at having cared enough to feel any of it in the first place.
I am still here.